So… I made a will.
I know I should’ve already had one – but I didn’t. Once I got everything figured out about the executor, the life insurance and the guardianship of my kids, I found myself thinking about what would happen if something, well, happened.
And then I realized I should probably write my kids a letter, too. I’m not ashamed of anything I say here, so I’m sharing it (plus, once something gets posted on the internet it can never truly disappear.)
Dear Sadie, Josie, Adelaide, and Jed,
Sometimes I look at you and I still can’t believe that you’re mine. I remember how I felt when I found out that each one of you were growing under my heart. I remember meeting each of you for the first time – Sadie, that sudden moment when I magically became a mom for the very first time and they laid you next to me. I breathed you in and thanked God you were here safely, and nothing has ever been the same since. Josie, your screechy mewing newborn cries and amazingly cute little rosy cheeks – I just wanted to bundle you up and hold you in my arms forever like a little baby-bean-burrito. Adelaide, I remember your beautiful skin and cuddly sweetness. You were highly opinionated even then, and oh, how happy we all were to meet you! You have been such a special blessing to me ever since. Jed, you were probably the most anticipated baby boy that has ever been. When we heard your little voice for the first time, I cried too – and the next thing we knew you were peeing a big arc across the operating room. That was new! A baby boy for us… none of us could believe it.
Now that you’ve all grown into your little (and big) personalities, you have become even more precious to me. You continue to amaze me. Every day I fall in love with you a little bit more. But every day I fail you in some way and so each night I ask God to help me be a better mom for you. I think I must be doing at least some things right, though, because you are all such wonderful, thoughtful, funny, kind people.
If there’s ever a time when I am not there for you, I want you to know that it’s not because I don’t want to be there. I always want to be there for you – in every way and during every part of your life. Even if you can’t see me, I will be there in your heart because you are part of me. You will always have part of me with you, no matter what.
I can’t even begin to tell you all of the things I want you to know, but here are a few of the important ones:
Trust in God. You won’t always understand His plans, but He knows what He’s doing. Try to follow Him and He will direct your paths. He loves you with an everlasting love – and He’s the only one who will never let you down.
Love each other. I know sometimes you will get on each other’s nerves, but your siblings are the most precious gift that your Daddy and I could ever give to you. Stand by each other. Help each other. Stick up for each other. Take care of each other. Be each other’s best friends. You will never regret it.
Use your talents. You have them for a reason. Don’t let them go to waste.
Stand up for what you believe. Don’t let anyone try to make you into something you’re not.
Do the right thing. Even when it’s hard, and even when no one else is doing it.
If you can help someone, do it. Be a kind person.
Someday, someone you love will hurt you, betray you, or break your heart. Don’t give up on love. Remember that the roller coaster goes up AND down. You’ll climb back up to the top eventually.
You are responsible for your own actions – no one else.
Don’t compare. Comparison will rob you of happiness. It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks of you, but it does matter what YOU think of you.
What’s on the outside doesn’t matter. Remember that God looks at your heart – and the hearts of others. Give everyone a chance.
Don’t be afraid to take risks. I’ve always been the kind of person who plays it safe, but the most wonderful things that have happened to me in my life are the things that were a gamble.
You’re never too old to learn something new.
You are stronger and smarter than you think you are.
You are loved. You are loved SO much, by so many people –
But especially by your mommy.