I’m Not What You Think I Am

I’m not bragging.

(I know, usually when people say that, they really ARE bragging. But, really, I’m not.)

Over the past few weeks, several people have said things like this to me: “I wish I was one of your kids,” or “You have so much fun at your house!” “You’re super mom!” or “You’re super-homeschooling mom, I’ve seen pictures to prove it!” Even “We should do things the way she does them at OUR house, maybe our kids would behave better.”

Wow.

What amazing compliments! Each and every one of these comments absolutely made my day. But please don’t think I’m saying this to brag. I’m not trying to brag at all. In fact, I just want to set the record straight.

Maybe sometimes I look like I have it all together.

I don’t.

Maybe my kids seem well-behaved and polite and super sweet and cute.

Not always.

Maybe it seems like being a stay-at-home-mom and homeschooling four kids is easy for me.

It isn’t.

If this is the way I come across, in my articles or on Facebook or even face-to-face in real life, I just want to say I’m sorry.

I don’t want to mislead anyone. Life is far from perfect in my house.

I guess, like most of us, I’m just more likely to tell people the cute things my kids say. Normally I post pictures of the cute things they do.

But I don’t usually tell people how I’ve barricaded myself in the bathroom or how I’m collapsed on the bedroom floor in tears.

There is screaming and crying at my house on a regular basis. And it’s NOT always the kids. Heck, it’s not even USUALLY the kids.

Here are some things you might hear me say on any given day:
I am DONE!
I have had it!
You may not hammer any more nails until you put your pants back on!
What exactly is the problem?
What are you thinking?
Get your hands out of your diaper!
No more talking till we get home.
Come down here now!
I love you, but I do not want to see you again until after Quiet Time.
And I repeat…
Why would you do that?
Who left these dirty Kleenexes all over the couch?
My patience is gone. G-O-N-E. GONE.
Would you please leave me alone for 2 minutes? Just 2?
I’m not here! Find your dad!

Yep, I have bad days. Really bad days. Sometimes I refuse to take off my pajamas and I don’t comb my hair. Sometimes I cry for no reason. Or sometimes it’s because I have to wash 17 towels at once or scrub grape juice from the carpet we just had steam-cleaned. Or sometimes my chronic back pain gets the best of me and I just can’t handle that “one more thing” or deal with that poop on the bedroom carpet and glitter glue on the kitchen table. Sometimes I flip out and yell because I stepped on a grape. Or in yogurt. Or on a Lego.

Sometimes I fall to my knees at night next to my sleeping babies and pray to God through my tears to help me – because I honestly have no idea what I’m doing.

So yes, I have great days. I have great kids. And I have great friends who build me up and encourage me by saying such wonderful words to me about what a good mom I am.

Because sometimes, they catch me on a bad day. And those words are the only thing that get me through.

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